Bon voyage
by MyLadyDay
Summary: Just a short stop on a summer island to relax and take a break from everything, But is that really possible for the Strawhat crew? One-shot


**This is the result of a prompt challenge thingy with TurtleFriedRice (her story is called 'Sex Education) :3 We both wrote a short one shot and the prompt was the sentence "I can't even begin to understand what's going on here". **

**One piece isn't mine, but the grass skirts are.**

"I can't..._huff huff_...even be..._huff_...begin to under..._huff huff_...understand what the hell..._wheeze_... is going on HERE! _huff huff_" Sanji stopped running for a second to kick a tree onto the path. Maybe that would slow his pursuer down. It hurt a bit to kick trees with bare feet, but it had to be done. The bastard wasn't slowing down. "Leave me alone, bastard!" he yelled hoping that it might, for whatever reason, actually work. Running wasn't pleasant in the clothes he was wearing, if they could even be called clothes seeing as he could feel the breeze on his junk, but there was no other choice. Some lady might even see him prancing around in a forest wearing nothing but a skirt made of leaves and some creepy feather anklets. Yes, prancing, because that's what it's called when you do it in a skirt. A gruff voice from behind reached his ears.

"Just stop and let me love you, dammit!" Zoro yelled, also slightly out of breath. They were running for what seemed to be hours. The mosshead wore a similar skirt that left absolutely nothing to the imagination and some body paint. _Oh god, I probably have paint on my face. _Things weren't really ideal as they thought they would be when the crew disembarked on that particular summer island.

"Stay the fuck away from me, marimo!" Sanji yelled back and tried to speed up. The marimo was gaining on him and that didn't really wasn't good. Just a few hours ago, they disembarked and split up; most of them stayed at the beach to set up the barbecue and bonfire, while Sanji, Zoro and Robin went into town to buy food. Things were fine in town, no one recognized them and they managed to buy everything. They even bought some special alcohol that was made on that island and only there in the whole Grand line. Sanji couldn't miss an opportunity like that. Everything was normal in Strawhat standards during lunch and everyone even tried the drink Sanji brought; some of the younger crewmembers didn't usually drink so they just tried a bit while Nami and Zoro drank most of it. Nothing out of the ordinary, really, until Sanji woke up dressed as he was in Zoros arms. Panic kicked in and Sanji kicked the swordsman in his stupid painted face. Marimo was lying motionless in the sand, giving Sanji time to ask someone what the hell was that about and maybe explain why they were both pretty much butt naked in the middle of the beach. He looked around and didn't really like what he saw. Chopper was painted completely red with little yellow lines, his hat less than expertly painted green giving him the appearance of an oversized strawberry. He was hanging from an arm painted green, sprouting from the sand. It wasn't the only arm on the beach, but the others were empty and painted in different colours. Robin was sitting close to Chopper, apparently watering her own arm that posed as Choppers stem. As if it wasn't weird enough, she wore a white frilly dress and a bonnet on her head with a shepherd's staff lying next to her legs while Luffy walked around her dressed as a sheep, grazing imaginary grass and occasionally trying to eat the giant motionless strawberry. They all looked strangely calm, given the situation that they apparently didn't even deem weird. Or batshit insane. Sanjis mouth was open in surprise and he just couldn't pull himself together. Two figures burst out of the forest and were approaching them fast. Brook was easy to identify, considering he was twice the size of most of the crew, but he wore a loin cloth and a helmet with a big dead swordfish in his right hand. He was yelling something and flailing the fish into the other person, more accurately... "Nami-swan!" Sanji shouted, but they didn't hear him. She was also wearing a helmet, but her clothes concealed more than Brooks; she was covered in a fur cloak, even though it was too hot for that, holding her climatact with a tuna impaled on it. The two seemed to be fighting and shouting curses at each other, curses that made even Sanji blush.

His earlier shout didn't catch Namis attention, but it brought the marimo back into the world of the living and he was trying to shake off the dull pain in his head. Sanji knew he should run before the marimo notices him, but his eyes were glued to the sight of his nakamas majestic appearance; Usopp emerged from the water dressed in a suit with a curled moustache, a monocle adorning his left eye and a plastic gun in his hand. It took a moment to realise that he was riding on Frankys back. That might have been a strange sight, but it wasn't even the end of the weirdness; Franky was dressed completely in white with a pink fluffy mane and a horn stuck to his forehead. Franky was a freaking majestic unicorn. The longnose spoke with a weird accent, looking right at Sanji: "There you are, savages! I shall hunt you down and punish you for the obscenities you have forced upon us." Zoro chose that moment to notice Sanji behind him and looked at him with a crazed expression on his face. He slowly got up, not even sparing Usopp a glance, and started walking towards Sanji. Franky and Usopp were approaching too.

"Oh hell no!" Sanji exclaimed and, without missing a beat, started running as fast as he could towards the forest. He could hear Zoro shouting after him and judging from the fact his voice never seemed to grow distant, he must have been running too. A bit behind him, Franky was running with Usopp on his shoulders, his majestic tail flying in the air behind them. Usopp was firing something at them, but he was too far from his targets and not a single projectile hit. Now Sanji had no other choice than to run until he found a safe haven to figure out what the fuck was going on. And where the fuck did they find the costumes they wore. The sight behind him wasn't really making him happy, yet it was intriguing; he could see Zoro running as fast as he could, his family jewels dangling free between the leaves of the skirt. Well, at least it's obvious they made the skirts themselves. They were, putting it nicely, really crappy. The cook didn't really want to think about what he had on display for the marimo. It was weird enough that the marimo was after him, yelling things about love. Not to mention Usopp and his proclamations of catching the two "savages" to make a new pair of shoes. He was able to hurry up a bit and leapt into a hollow tree to rest. It was highly likely that at least one of his pursuers saw him, but he couldn't bring himself to care. His hopes shot up after a few quiet minutes, until a heavy weight fell on him.

"I found you~" Zoro whispered seductively into his ear. Sanji could feel parts of the marimo touching him, parts he never wanted to touch him. Ever. Yet, here they were, crammed into a tree, the marimo in a freaking skirt straddling him and trying to suck his face off. There wasn't really a way out of the situation and all he could hope for was some kind of salvation.

The salvation came in the form of a plastic bullet hitting Zoro in the ass, making him scream like a girl and fall out of their hiding place, firmly holding his aching butt cheek. Usopp stood before them, victoriously holding his gun and stroking his fancy moustache. Sanji took this opportunity and shot out of the tree, making a run for it in a random direction. There was noise behind him, but he didn't really want to know.

"Sanjiiiiiiii, come baaaaaaaaaaack!" Zoro shouted and probably ran after him.

"Fuuuuuuuuuuuuck!" was all Sanji could say and just continue running.

* * *

In the meantime, Robin came to her senses along with Chopper and Luffy. They were confused, but not really concerned. Robin remembered the drinks they had and told the others to search for a bottle, while Nami and Brook fought some feet away. She finally found a bottle and read the label.

"It's lucky we didn't drink a lot of this." she said with a smile on her face. "But I suspect the ones that did might stay like this for a while." She averted her gaze towards the navigator that tried to beat their musician with a tuna on a stick and could only imagine what the swordsman was up to at the moment. She hoped it wasn't something really strange, seeing how he might be doing that for the next few hours.


End file.
